It's stupid when you really like someone only to realize that he's using you for his own benefit.

I will not be used by him.  I'm better than that.

First Day .... And Already Missing Home!

My family and I are extremely close.  That said, I wasn't expecting to feel homesick - or rather family deprived - within the first two hours of my mom and brother leaving.  As we said goodbye and went our separate ways, I couldn't turn my back on them.  I had to watch them leave, making their way back from Lantana to the nearest taxi.  My family is everything to me.  And although there are times when we get on each others nerves, I love them so much.  Believe me, there is nothing more gut-wrenching than saying goodbye.  Just remembering my mother cry as she said goodbye is enough to get me choked up.  Now, I feel even more guilty for treating her and my brother so disdainfully as we ate breakfast ( during which I was the only college girl to have her family sit with her in the dining hall ).  My mother tried to make the best of it, using a smile and a sense of humor, but I was so embarrassed.  I was so completely wrong to feel that way and I know that now.  It's only after your family leaves you that you realize how very precious they are to you.  Geez, I'm practically crying as I type this down.  The point of this entry is this:  how am I going to live for the next two months without them?

That being said, I've accomplished a lot within the last couple of hours.  Who knew that after learning to ride a bike at the age of 9 and picking it back up after 10 years, I'd still be able to do it?  I certainly didn't.  After a couple of failed attempts at trying to break and properly (and gracefully) get off the bike, I started to ride it with a little more confidence.  I found my classes all within the main quad area with relative ease and made my way back to my dorm through an actual street....with cars.  HURRAH!  I love the campus, it's definitely beautiful - only I do wish it wasn't so hot.  Fountain hopping does sound good right about now.  Classes start tomorrow. Still have to sign up for those.  I'm a little worried.  No one else in my class is entering second year.  Most are on their way to grad school.  Oh boy.  I guess it doesn't hurt to read ahead a little and see where I'm at.

I really do like my roommate.  She's incredibly sweet, but I've only met her once.  We never seem to be in our dorm at the same time.  I do hope we become friends.  Otherwise...well, I don't know.  My hall is very quiet and I've only met two girls who live next door.  I don't know how I'm going to handle dinner.  I could always order take out I suppose.  But I suppose that's the whole beauty of the experience.  I learn to live on my own, I learn to make new friends, I learn to be comfortable with who I am and how I approach life.  How philosophical is that? 

I have a couple of goals this term, most of which revolve around learning to be more confident living on my own and making the most of this experience. 

1. Make the most of these facilities.  Their absolutely gorgeous.  This means going to the gym in the mornings, going swimming in the afternoon, and biking around the oval.

2. Use the library!

3. Keep my room neat.

4.  Make an effort to approach others.  Be nice and friendly.

5.  Keep my mom and brother up to date!

Well I guess that's it for now.  Until tomorrow